8 Things I WONT Miss About Uganda
Taking the bad with the good
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After ten years in Uganda, I will miss many things about the Pearl of Africa. But there are also some things that I will be happy to bid farewell to. The good greatly outweighs the bad, but it would be dishonest of me to not address the things that I will most certainly not miss.
Blinker Confusion: Figuring out what blinkers mean in Uganda requires a Master’s degree. For example, a right turn signal could mean, “I’m turning right,” “You shouldn’t pass because there is a car coming,” or “stay in your lane, bozo.” Then there are left blinkers, caution lights, and headlight flashes, all having 10+ different meanings. After 10 years in Uganda, I’m still never 100% sure what they are trying to communicate.
Staring Into The Sun: Normal polite rules for driving do not exist here. For some reason, Big Trucks, Busses, and public transport find it necessary to drive with their bright lights on from sundown until sunrise. I’m reasonably sure that with every oil change, the technician readjusts the headlights of every big rig to ensure that it has maximum blinding capacity. I’ll never understand this.
Unexpected Altitude Detours: Potholes in Uganda are special. In most countries, potholes will jar your suspension and rattle your brain loose a little, but in Uganda, some potholes take you deeper into the earth’s center of gravity. I once went so deep in an upcountry pothole that I drove on the earth’s mantle for 14 seconds. Driving on the mesosphere changes a person.
The Rat Race: Every country has rats, mice, and annoying insects, but most of Uganda’s pests have advanced degrees and are not susceptible to the traps of mere humans. After ten years of constant battle with rats, I have come to doubt my own intelligence. No trap can contain a Ugandan rat. Finding snap traps with bait gone, but no rat; Sticky traps often show the proper dance steps for the rodent waltz, still no rat; I’ve even seen rats sitting around a poker table smoking rat poison like Cuban cigars. I finally gave up and moved. Uganda rats are too smart for me.
12 Steps: I’ve never been enrolled in an addiction program but living in Uganda, you will quickly learn that EVERYTHING is a 12-step program. Nothing can be done at one counter. If…
